An open letter to the patrons of fast food restaurants.

Dear people who may have been vomited on at Burger King,

I am so, so sorry. SO SORRY. You see, we were trapped in epic traffic trying to get out of London. One of my kids needed the loo, and when we finally saw the Burger King we thought we were free and clear. We all got out of the car to stretch our legs, and it was then that my other child started saying, ‘I think I might be poorly. I feel like I might throw up.’

You see, that child has lots of food allergies. And about an hour before we’d had a nice lunch out so my sister could celebrate my wife’s birthday. We only let the kid with food allergies have chips, as they are usually a safe bet (and I doubt he’d eat anything new at a restaurant, anyway). He started getting the beginnings of a hive on his face while we were still there and looking a bit peaky, so we gave him a dose of allergy meds and thought nothing more of it.

And he was fine. Right until he wasn’t. (Is this the part where I explain he’d never vomited from allergies before? If we’d experienced this in the past, I assure you we would have stayed outside far from other members of humanity.)

As we were speed walking to Burger King in an attempt to hit the bathrooms ASAP – both for the pee and possible vom alerts – he started coughing. And if you picture an entire walkway through a fast food place, well, he vomited everywhere. EVERYWHERE. We are talking the full twenty foot long, three foot wide walkway. And I’m pretty sure some spattered on your party/food. And I would have checked, but he was still getting sick everywhere and we were carrying him outside as quickly as possible while encouraging his sister to not slip in the puke (and I was very apologetically/hurriedly telling the staff. While I’d normally clean up our own vomit, this way so much that there was no way I could.)

And then he threw up again outside. So much.

So we managed to eventually pull ourselves to the toilets after the vomiting had stopped, and stripped off clothes, and rinsed HAIR (I told you it was bad). And then a certain child may have, ahem, gotten food allergy sick in another way.

My wife had to run back to the car for more wipes and non-vomity clothes. In the meantime, more sickness happened.

In short, we totally desecrated not only the bathroom, but the entire main bit of the restaurant. And the path by the main entrance. By the time we were finished attempting to look like humans again (and, happily, allergy kid was bouncy and cheerful again once all the, er, allergy grossness had erupted) and I was ready to come grovel to you, you had left. In fact, the whole place had emptied out.

So I guess I should also apologize to that franchise owner.

Anyway. I hope none of the vomit hit you guys. I hope everyone’s shoes were left clean and squeaky. I hope none of you had a gag reflex upon seeing someone get sick.

Yours cringingly,



1 thought on “An open letter to the patrons of fast food restaurants.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s